reasons

i need you...
like the sand needs the colour of the sun
like the rain forest needs the beautiful Amazon
like the waters need the dawning horizon
like a trigger needs a loaded gun.

like a child suckling a mother's nipple
like a helping hand out-stretched to a cripple
like a touch on the sleeve so the blind can see
like the rich soil needed to plant a tree, after a tree

like our God gave us the gift of life
like a husband who needs a good wife
like an unimaginable, unbreakable kinda bond
like a solid rock i can always lean on

like....
like i need you to need me
like i need you to be my energy
like i need air to breathe
i need you.

.....utopia......

Diving head first
into this sea of love
No life jacket, risking it all
just cause.

Cause i like the feeling
that comes with giving this a try
Though second chances, heart-broken romances
had left me dry.

But it's strange how these emotions
that we shared on the low
Came to the surface, found a home
now, continue to grow.

Into a bond (I think) but
my mind sometimes can't reconcile -
The past loves who lied and cheated
taking me for a wild ride.

Then i compare your actions to their style, I know I am wrong.

But it took me awhile
to see the lessons in those songs
I should hold onto you love
'stead of pushing you along.

You're hanging on though, I appreciate that.

On this spiritual journey
distractions at every turn
It's hard to stay the path
when our bodies have these yearn-ings.

And me, coming full circle
from the girl I used to be
Sometimes old friends and colleagues
don't even recognize me.

Now I am a woman.

And you, fresh off the press
soaking me up for so long
More than a friend, a lover to me
you've become my spirit song.

I'm not ashamed or afraid anymore
to express how i truly feel
Haven't come this far gone
to let others steer my wheel.

Our change begat a change in us
that is directing this journey
like ebony to ivory
though we're different in melody
somehow, love has found the key.

Thank you for being.

miXeD mEssAGes.

it was my third eye
that saw the lie and my
heart has turned cold,
too old for this

love is blind indeed
clouded by greed and what i thought
i needed.

keep listening to what they want
what's best for me, in their minds
but i wouldn't mind my privacy.

lying here alone
I, I, I moan my situation
yet i haven't moved on.

where yours ends mine begins
our worlds intertwined
but we've stopped listening
to each other now
for some time.

like mimes we exist
sending these telepathic messages
like some old cloth trying to re-stitch
but why?

i don't know how i should fly
but
i'll answer your questions
when you answer mine.

untitled (a testimony)

i think i was........five
bursting with innocence and life
when he asked my mother to be his wife
excitement grew, at the thought of forming a family
ya see, my father left when i was only a baby.
(he wasn't ready for me, yet?)

on her wedding day, dressed in my flower dress
friends and family decked in their sunday best
there to witness, the joining of two souls
or what should be i guess
there was such a thing as destiny
or so i believed.

they said their "I do's", i ran down the aisle
happiness showing on the face of an innocent child
then came the house, the pets, a family conceived
"forever I do" were words meant to deceive,
a child.

naive.

so long ago,
hard to remember the beginning
i remember playing, i remember swaying
his musical side intrigued me
like a mirror, looking at him hoping to see me reflected
music became something we shared, our song, me and he.

always reminded i had a father
(a father who loved me just as unconditionally)
and a daddy.
hmmm, not sure what that made me, no complaints
i know some who had neither, i was blessed i figure.

those terrible teens, reared their ugly head
tensions growing, brewing my homestead
i grew distant, guess i wasn't in favour of his doctrines
started to compare the differences between my father and him,
my daddy.

i loved him.....

....like we were kin
but i just couldn't understand how this man i'd looked up to for so long suddenly became a foreign being,
to me.

"ef you knew de tings you fada put you mudda through, you wud neva be up unda he so!"
still, i couldn't let go, i was drawn.....pulled......to my father.
can anyone understand that feeling?

confused.

always in the middle, it felt sometimes
a father and daddy with two different disciplines
the questions i started to ask only made me more unglued
and the tensions that grew mum couldn't diffuse.

by the time he left we were barely speaking
i felt as though.......in the pit of my stomach.....i hated him!
yet still when she told me he would never be coming back
i mourned like a mother at a graveside over a child, i cried
he was like the leader of our pack

bittersweet memories.

it took him leaving,
to realize how much i'd miss him
cause he was there for me from day one
18 years later we were back were we'd begun
the two of us, me and my mum.

those were sad times.

years later,
he's remarried
beautiful wife, two loving sons
without me?

with me.

he has never let go
his leaving preceded our growth
i believe this is how we were meant to sow
through it all he's never stopped loving me
and ye, i must admit, i still call him daddy
now, finally, i get to be a big sister.
sorta.

this is my testimony.

high life (just passers by)

picture it
you and I, juxtaposed
from our toes
up.

dim lights
music low
bodies lying
in dark shadows.

moving rhythmically
hardcore melodies
swelling......
in, out.....in, out
my body.

souls meeting
music beating
sweat running
down.....
my love cushion.

(i giggle)

hums.....
low and high (oh my)
moans and groans
euphoric explosions draws nigh.

love's cocoon
bursts seeds
in my soft,
awaiting womb.

fingers entwined
yours in mine
culminating,
this last grind.

lying low
in the afterglow
of lovers juxtaposed
from the toes.