it came to me in a dream

i present to you

crazy eyes 

with champagne pockets

and butterflies..

mary mary

tumbling hill

blue rainbows

and yellow pills..

falling down

but backwards

climbing up

afterwards...

ironic irony

sad good-byes

liquid dreams

and crystallize..

all the kings horses

and symmetry

lost in a maze

of melody..

and i to you

and crowded rooms

and witches east

and west brooms..

with champagne pockets

and butterflies

i present to you

crazy eyes...

ad-Lib

i used to be scared of the sunlight
the darkness held all of my deepest secrets..
..hid all of the things i didn't want to see
even from me...yes, that place void of light
made me feel safe.

looking back through old memories
makes me ponder where i am now
stuck in the twilight noon of a past
i hate to remember, a past filled with so much anger
i could SCREAM...

i used to be scared of the sunlight
scared that they too might see
i am really a nobody..and nobody ever sees me..
the way i am..i couldn't even see myself in the darkness
but i was comfortable with that.

what makes us who we are?
what drives us to stay, or go or get stuck?
what drives others' actions and
what are the answers?

i used to love the calmness of night time
the stillness of my bedroom where only i felt my tears
only i could quieten the wailing of my heart
where only i could comfort my discomfort
where i could breathe.

on a night like tonight
i feel like nothing's changed and it makes me feel sad at first
but then angry...why me? why not me? why at all?
i wanna stand so tall, so brave so mighty!
but i can't stand failing miserably.

i used to be so scared of the sun's glow
of everything being at the surface
of my imperfections being on display
still, i took a chance and i stepped out of the shadows
fearless...

i'd felt like i was on top of the world
felt like the sweetest chocolate high
but all my bravado has really showed me was
that the darkness was the last place where i was truly happy...
so...return there.

in my mind.

there is an eerie

silence that has

existed in this 

space since as

far back as i

can remember...

they're howling

winds and cold

winter chills

in the middle

of summer

in this room...

two warm bo-

dies have got-

ten used to

the monoto-

ny of walk-

ing past each

other in silence..

this room is

so dark in the

afternoon the 

silence of this

moment is tea-

ring apart my

outer skin...

i guess i'm not as hardcore as i believed

(damn! i've been deceived by my subconscious)

yet this weird

noiseless va-

cuum behind 

the door of 

that room is 

the only place

i feel like i

am not 

pretending...

(written a long time ago)