for MJ..

sad eyes

quiet peace

now you're gone

but the noise won't cease

rest in peace (if you can).

feelin' my..

i had a dream last night

that your love wasn't there

that the recession hadn't ended

and we'd never heard of Lilith fair

that my mother'd forgotten me

that my daddy'd forsaken me

that my friends didn't even recognize me

and i was drowning in a sorrow pool

i dreamt that is was so cold

the cold war had restarted

we'd invaded Africa

bomb the f out of them like Hiroshima

and i was lost in Somalia

crying with the children

running with lions and bears

gazelles being eaten crossing the water

so i went thirsty for days and weeks

years since i'd had a perm

wriggling through life like a worm

blessed with wings so i could fly

but afraid to lift off..

i dreamt that madoff was walking free

laughing at the white collar cacophony

man life was a comedy

that was my dream...

and

i

woke

up

shaking...

nothing..

i've forgotten how to write words

strum cords, play notes

i've barely enough words now to keep me afloat

i've lost the vote, the know how

that drive to write words

play notes, rhyme a verse

though my heart moves me to chorus

i can't find the thoughts, peace together the pieces

to create something worth writing

i've lost that biting, the itching

i don't have the drive to write nothing

man, it's f-ing with my mentality

damn! it hasn't found me

i don't even know if it's still looking for me :(

that bug that stings and lights a fire

in the mind in the fingers that perspires

thought patterns

imagery

writing...

i don't know where to start writing

words that form sentences that form

lines upon lines upon lines...

of feelings, thoughts and lies

i'm starting to despise other writers

who have what i want, what i need

i don't know how to let my mind bleed

new poems

sigh..

i've forgotten how to write words

tap dance or swing on a pole

(don't take that much skill anyways i'm told)

it's been too long and i'm strung out on

stale words, old adverbs and thoughts belonging

to a woman i hardly know

man, i don't know

where to start, how to begin

another poem

and feel, like a nothinghead.