the thinking line

i thought i'd feel different

but i actually feel free

i finally feel like i can breathe

and now i exhale..

no longer trapped in the

mental jail of my mind

i've taken back what was mine

my sanity. hey, how've you been old friend?

was so tired of being

center-stage. on lips laced with lime

sour..

counting down the hours

to my space, my hiding place

from the anarchy.

from the dramedy

someplace safe.

i can't lie at first it hit me!

like a flash of lightening..

frightening!!!..what will they say?

then i realized i stopped caring

a long time ago and that is sad..

i was ready to push out the womb

ready for deliverance

i wasn't sure how i'd feel

i mean, i don't feel like a failure

i don't feel insecure

i feel, oh what's the word

misunderstood.

but i know there is a reason

i know this is the season

for change. so i open up myself

to it.

blue

sometimes it is so hard to stay positive when negative thoughts creep in so easily. i never propose to know all the answers but there are some questions i don't even know who to ask. frustrated. today i feel sad because i feel as though my future is in someone else's hands, hands that don't heal, hands that don't help, angry hands. hands that destroy.

i know why the caged bird sings and i should probably sing along as music is the one of the few things that makes me feel strong. (oops, i'm rhyming, this is not meant to be a poem).

a wise friend once told me "never fear the end, prepare for the next step" but i am having been trying to step for the longest time but my feet stay planted. i must be here for a reason? faith vanya faith.

sometimes it's just so hard to stay up, especially when i feel like i have no control (over the lies that are told), over the misconceptions, i just wish someone would ask ME a question, damn! i have a voice..

i always say i should never take work home, so why am i here thinking. i will not cry but i am feeling it and worry has sorrowfully taken over (for now).

"when one door closes another one opens", "day runs till night catches it"..blah blah

i think i'll go take a bath and lie down.

these fruits

this food

from this earth

feeds this brain

and this body

that works hard

sweats even harder

that dances through traffic

and sings through the rain

that laughs with friends

and walks the dogs

that kneels to pray

that gives thanks

that opens mouths

and gossips less

that blesses those

who need them most

that holds hands

and hugs strangers

that talks to the old

and leaves footprints for the children

that never goes hungry

that feeds off His word

that eats these great fruits

from this green earth.