awake when i should be sleeping...

i was just talking to a friend of mine and he asked me if i was happy. coincidence....don't know.

graeme - "are you happy?"
me - "happiness is i don't know"
graeme - "happiness is satisfaction......if your satisfaction is based on an unrealistic standard you will never be happy......make the best of what you have and be satisfied"

easier said than done, but i'll take his word for it, he's one of the wisest men i know and i guess he's found it.

i think i realise why i have been so moody today. i haven't slept in 3 days sigh* it's like my mind just won't stop churning, it's going and going even when i'm dreaming so i wake up at 4 a.m. staring at the ceiling......i need some shut eye. some sound rest. i am blessed so why am i so uneasy?

inertia......

inside
pride paralyzing limbs, too numb to vocalize how i'm feeling. our cause and the effects it leaves on us must change, time to turn the page on this drama, it's killing this writer.

complaining
that i am enclosed in a shell, just goes to show how well you don't know. i fashion myself open to speak on anything or anyone but it'd take a revolution for me to speak on me with this tongue. i know.....contradiction.

affecting
my thoughts and my sleeping routine, up thinking when i should be lost in a dream. heart beating so loud it's deafening, couldn't even hear you if you were screaming right next to me.

everyday
the same as before as we continue to grow further and further apart, the seams of this art undoing, with no one bending. if you could only see, you have to be silent to actually hear me, just listen. maybe then i could admit to you, i too am afraid.