slow choke

i'm beginning to uncover the lies
lies that built up this foundation we live on
it's hard to walk now as the earth seems unsteady
what my eyes see is paining me
as i look in from the outside.
scared of your capabilities
as i slowly realize i was won over by deceit
on the inside my heart is playing tug-o-war
i just don't think you will ever understand
it's the principles we live on
it's not the foundation in the you and the me
it's the foundation in the we
yet i continue to build my home
on this uneven plantation
hoping that in time
i forget.

i am wide open.

i feel so lucid, so weak
what is it that is draining me?
what is it?
i try to think on things but it's like there's this signal,
making everything blurry
making everything so foggy and i just can't get a clear view.
i can't even see you.
but i know you're there, but why?
why are you here? why are we?
they're times when i know without a shadow of a doubt
other times the answers are elusive
like a race, i was running off your love but now i move at a slower pace
i'm tired. tired of you?
the answers, where are they?
who has them? should they be sought out?
the truth can be ugly but i'm hungry to know my fate
i am weak in mind body and spirit
my past, your past convoluted
someone is not being fully honest here
i can feel it.

shorts......

elements (in my mind)

talk to me in verbs and adverbs whisper sweetly make me feel like I am yours and you are mine and together we form that invisible line of symmetry. I feel your body naked on my chest to breast aligned joined at the hip and moving rhythmically to the sounds of souls singing sweat pouring sweet love making. A touch so intense that day runs to night and I just haven’t noticed how can I when my whole being is suspended in a time and space of euphoria. And we are intertwined. I wine and grind like I have never felt such pleasure pure cherry waiting to buss and spew my love dew all over you. And then we start for round two…….


the ties that break me down

i am drowning in a sea of the unforgiving
came here wid not even a dollar to my name
oh, but I planted seeds, always in my garden watering
built myself up, trying to bring a piece of home to this home
saw the waters edge drawing closer and closer
built me a boat to keep ma feet dry
but I was no match
to the strongest force on earth,
boat capsized
And now I’m barely floating…….

the morse code

i'm surprised
you didn't feel what i felt
like i'd melt in your arms
such charm
disarmed my senses
breathless
so relentlessly i pursued thee
the anti-enemy in me
wanted you.


the afterthought

I know you did me wrong
Some say we shouldn’t even speak
But understand,
holding onto so much pain
Only makes the soul weak.
I don’t have it in my heart to hate you
What a wasteful way to remain
Angry, vengeful, miserable
That kinda ish can drive a woman insane
Some ask, why write with you still in mind
But I have to remember from whence I came
I know deep in my heart, even though forever apart
I will never feel pain like that again
Besides, I know you miss me.

by the lion's side

what's on the inside?
why do I feel the need to hide
my inner core?
my pride has been such a handicapped
and I’m just running to and fro
like a yo-yo


my darling ron

i think i've lost a friend
i feel this void, so painful
always reminds me it's there
i love you with everything in me
i just hope you know
even with the distance
you're on my mind

more of you

(found this today when i was surfing under a "real eyes realize real lies" thread and i was feeling the beat of it, author unknown)


i’m standing
i’m waiting
i’m calling
i’m listening
i’m yearning
i’m wanting - wanting more of you
i’m ready
i’m willing
i’m stretching
i’m reaching
i’m desperately seeking
wanting more of you
your tender touch
your gentle ways
always on my mind and it makes me say
i’m wanting more of you
your love for me
gives me everything i need
and it keeps me wanting more of you
you are my delight
with you i’m satisfied
forever and always
throughout all of my days
in skies blue or skies gray
i’ll be wanting you
here’s my heart and the key
cuz you know you complete me

distractions (draft)

i need to separate 'tween my wants and my needs

my wants, draining a life source my pockets can't feed
lost in this brand name world, it ain't even legit

letting these glossaries tell me what is and ain't hip,
watch yaself ya might get swept up in this .......
i ain't got no riches but damn i'm a millionaire,
imagine being wealthy from God's whisperings in my ear
not reading through the lines of the black and white,
we are too within ourselves.

we run from it but the real word cannot be polluted
in any language it is holy divine
who is getting stronger while we're busy being distracted.
playing hide and seek with our minds
my eyes, my eyes, what they see is all lies
all the riches? still ain't happy? oh my what a surprise!
at the end of the day it's our inner enemy we despise
getting mixed up in materialism and losing sight of what is
we are slowly losing ourselves.

i've been searching for a while, lost in this fog of mistrust
lost in this sphere of artificial symmetry and lust
i fear God, how will he punish me? for yearning my designer throws
disguising the sista soul neath these designer clothes
back to dust, i can't take these things to the grave
slaving myself to the maze that is this designer craze.

i was lost for a long time but slowly i emerge
a kinda rebirth for this naked spirit bird
i realize i was chosen, this life didn't chose me
took a while for me to recognize my divinity
commonly, love is not a mystery
it is the I in you and the you in me
and we are.

for a while, DeLisle

he was a quiet man with a great sense of humour
he was a man of God, with knowledge that could span the entire globe,
knowledge that he could squeeze into the hand he held mine with.
he was passionate about everything and everyone,
you knew with him you were loved and could not help but return that love, twofold.
he inspired me to read beyond my reading,
to read works that challenged me and motivated me to read more and more
he encouraged me to never give up, even when the walls of adversity engulfed me. he encouraged me to look to the sky always.
he could make me laugh like it was his second calling,
yet captivate my complete attention in his sermon.
he loved me and my family and to say i will miss him does not even begin to skim the surface of how i will forever dream of his divine mystery, how i will forever remember that for me he would give, whatever.
i will miss him, like i miss the comfort of my mother's womb, like i miss the feel of the soft sand beneath my toes when i'm away from my homeland. like he and i were made of the same thread. he was definitely part of my daily bread.
he was a man of the cloth who believed.
he was an awe inspiring canon.
again, he was one of the funniest beings
he had the greatest sense of humour ever. so the next time i hear a clever joke on he my thoughts will wander.
i will try not to wonder how it would be if he were here because i KNOW he is indeed ascended and eternal life is his.
however, i will always remember.