trevor

he's so fly, with his curly locks

his smooth skin and pure texture

God must've been dreaming of angels when he drew you up.

i could only ask so much as to say "hi",

a brief meeting

until by some cosmic chance we meet again

(it could've only been by some force of astrology that i chanced upon your acquaintance at all)

but till then i still have my interpretation

of what it is rumoured heaven must look like

a picture of perfection imprinted on my memory

until another storm brings you my way

i accept your silent apology for your intrusion.

in a second......

.......fear grabbed hold of this soul and held her in a chokehold fear that didn't even know her name fear that she didn't know was fear at first as time stood still fear that didn't even know before it came in that it was coming fear that she didn't even know she was capable of having fear ebbed deep in the belly getting stuck in the throat trying to come out but fear on the opposite end pushing it down fear so profound fear that silences the voice resulting in soundless screams fear with tears forming on the inside of her eyelids washing away the beauty of her iris making everything blurry fear of not knowing where to hide fear that such a place didn't exist making her heart beat so loudly barely able to hear him shouting frantically "where's vanya, where's vanya????" fear that stopped her from breathing not knowing if she'd come out alive kicking fear of dying and not getting the chance to say good-bye.....

i know now of fear and it's such an acid drink i now live in fear of just one drop of that fear ever touching my lips again.

the beauty of Him (reflecting the light back to you)

he brushes the hair from the side of my cheek
sends shivers down my spine when i hear him speak
he whistles a song to make the hummingbird sing
my man has a beauty growing from within
have you seen him?

he laughs out loud at my corny jokes
he's super sexy in his stay fly shirts
he's my 'cool in the heat to keep warm in winter' human being
my man possesses a divine aura glowing from within
have you seen him?

he's accepted me and my imperfect gaze
he understands my past helped mold me into the woman i am today,
we grow more together everyday.
i ain't one to brag, but he uses all the talents God has given
my man was put here for a reason
and if you haven't seen him, dang!
ain't know what you're missing
but he is mine, my paradigm
and I am surprised it took me so long too see him.
but i ain't blind, oh and did i mention
he is fine.......

the mystery

i am sleeping with a stranger
knowing and not moving i'm in danger
of that pain that can slowly creep in
eating away at the soul of this seraphim
danger in bed with this stranger

trying to rise but it feels like some figure
is holding me in place, my heart races
every time i practice my exit speech
this danger is getting the best of me
my music is slowly losing it sound
yet its just too quiet when you're not around.

so i hold onto you.....

THE UNSEEN EYE (i am wide open)

(draft, still not satisfied, just doesn't flow man stupes)

last night
i had a nightmare, 2012 was the year and my child looked on me with scorn, cursing the day she was born, cursing me, for bringing her here against her will, still, looking to me for protection.

protection
from a gun-totting, world bombing masquerade, plagued with sickness and disease on every page, turning to the church but the priest misbehaving the same, who really is to blame?

blame?
we are all guilty of the same inaction, the mere fraction it would take to make a difference, no longer in existence as we disgrace the memories of those who fought our battles in the past so we would not be in this disposition, so blame? if they were here now they'd be ashamed.

but i am not ashamed to say i am scared.

i apologize
my future child, for conceiving you into a world baby girl that it wrought with lies, where we serve corruption for breakfast and leave the spoils for the flies. if i close my eyes i'll see the blood on my hands, understand, i too, am guilty of doing nothing.

i will try
from now till you get here, to shield you from the new ills of that year, yes i fear for you, i love you, i need you to understand and i beg that you love me still. love for me being selfish and wanting you in my realm where i admit, it's not safe. but there is a place for you.

i need that promise from you my dear,
so next time come to me in a mellow dream and not with a look of fear. i too live in fear, pure fear that i will not be a good mother to you, that i will be a disappointment too and that you'd wish you weren't here.

i can't blame you
but understand, the love i have for you is wider than any ocean and has lines that run to infinity. i love you like i love life itself and even though i've only seen you in my dreams, i love you unconditionally. so accept this apology in advance but when you get here just give us a chance......