Everyday.

i think about you

i pray for you

i long for you

i make wishes for you

i laugh for you

i write to you

i sing songs for you

i smell like you

i breathe for you

i sigh for you

i get mad for you

i frown for you

i clown around for you

i beat for you

i speak for you

i am for you

i sacrifice for you

i lie for you..if i have to..

i think of you

i think on you

i think about you

everyday..

..bubbles...

floating across

the clear blue sky

i see you

somewhere between 

my needle eye.

we hold onto

that same gaze

and get lost in

this purple haze.

of magical wonders

and weightless dreams

and flying saucers

and moonbeams.

i see you

standing

dressed in white

your silhouette dancing

in the moonlight.

i often wonder

why you creep

into my thoughts

when i'm asleep?

floating across

my mind's eye

and whispering

lullabies.

sunlight's beauty

dew drop

splendor

honey comb drips

between my fingers.

i see you

everywhere

in my mind's mirror

reflecting the light

and making me quiver.

i see you always

in my heart's gold

forever dreaming

until we're old.

like the wind...

my grandfather is...
drawing his last breaths
taking his last steps..
my grandfather is..
weak, finds it hard to
completes his sentences...
my grandfather is..
losing his drive
every morning could be
the beginning of the end of
his life..
my grandfather
hardly talks
chasing life he stalks
all day.

I took some multi-symptoms

i took some multi-symptoms
now i feel so groggy
my body feels so out of sync
and my glasses seem so foggy.

i wasn't feeling well last night
so i took a pill, no two
was hoping to fall so soundly to sleep
and wake up feeling brand new

but i fear those multi-symptoms
have reversed my natural being
i'm still in bed, it's half past 3
and i ain't done my Christmas cleaning

i feel like i am flying high
and lost somewhere in outer space
my mind is stuck inside a vacuum
but my body is floating all over the place

these pills they make you do strange things
and hear some weird things too
i could've sworn i was in wonderland
or elsewhere with Mr. Magoo

i took some multi-symptoms
but next time i'll take just one
and choose a day when i have time to play
and lie and gaze at the sun.

sunday's sighs

feels like i got something stuck in my throat...

like my heart is beating so fast it's pulsating to a salsa rhythm...

it's hurting...

feels like every breath could be my last...

grasping...

but barely...

kinda feels like i'm going deaf in one ear....

like there are these chains on my heart weighing it down....

so heavy....

whatever it is i want it off me...

feels like i could sit here and let my tears flow until they dry....

till there's not a wet eye on my face....

at a pace too fast to keep up....

feels like someone's poured the water outta my cup..

empty.

that's it....

i feel empty.

feels like i have nothing more to give...

but only for the moment....

my mindset tells me i will triumph...

feels like that day is so far away....

like i've been waiting for a smile to float my way....

feels like i've got nothing more to say yet so much...

feels like i won't get no peace till i get everything out...

like my mouth's been duct taped for 2 long years...

nearly 3....

feels like agony....

smells like something rotten....

sounds like the moans of the forgotten..

looks like me...

sadly.



12-07-08

red nail polish and Mocha's eyes

wires

i had an original thought
i decided to write it down
and run with the creativity
my sleeping mind had found

so me and my thought got friendly
took a walk down imagination road
said he was just floating around aimlessly
i said i was just lying down bored

"so what will we write?" he asked
and i started to sweat
i'd never been under so much pressure
to write yet

ye, just me and my thought
and the silence felt so weird
he started to watch some TV, a comedy
and i just sat there and stared

i started to get angry
at my thought's nonchalance
he didn't even offer to help me write
not once!

so then who is the real genuis
behind my many writings?
is it me that runs with these thoughts i have
or am i just thoughtfully biting?

next time i have an original thought
i'll just make sure i flow my juices
so that me and him can laugh and sing
and put our time to better uses.

She. (i "don't like" her)

she has become
my obsession.

she walks with
such grace.

talks with
supple lips.

smells like
honey tulips.

so she has become
my obsession.

and her words
my reflection.

i follow her
where ever.

i dream of her
whenever.

i wish i were
her shadow
so i would never
have to leave her.

she has
become
my obsession.

a touch from her
would be a blessing.

i crave her
long to make her laugh.

and laugh along
she is strong.

she is weak
but i like it.

she is becoming
my depression.

and i can't escape
her footprints in the sands.

i can't run from
the memories.

i can't hide from
the light.

i can't try
with all my might
i can't win.

she has become
my submission.

and she is taking away something from me.

she doesn't know
what she's doing to me
or does she?

poking at the fire

i feel pretty safe
in my writers shell
and i keep all my thoughts close
that only my mind could tell.

i wanna try something different
something bolder and out of key
but i'm afraid what might
come out of me.

imagine that..
a petrified writer
with thoughts and words
and pizazz like knight rider.

but so afraid
of what the truth may say
so i bide upon the words
that others lay.

then i look at "e.b" (wink!)
who's so awesomely fearless
a bag full of thoughts and dreams
and it ain't even Christmas
(yet)

still, i keep everything hidden
in a place no one can reach
waters still, nothing's changed
like the golden sand on the beach.

yet i want to break open
this writer's shell
i want to share stories
that only my soul can tell

i want to feel free
to maximize my expression
but it's all trapped inside me
my curse is my blessing.

spreading the love

..so i feel a lil weird about doing this yet i feel really good at the same time :)

my blog was nominated by the talented L.M Ross as “Über Amazing!” and it is my duty to pay it forward by listing 5 blogs that have lent to my growth through inspiration and enlightenment.

enjoy!


http://poetrystreetbeat.blogspot.com/

http://lmross-moanerplicities.blogspot.com/

http://lyricsandmaladies.blogspot.com/

http://mimitsthoughts.blogspot.com/

Honorable mention goes to Free Spirit (who does not blog anymore but who was there with me from the beginning)


big up and nuff respect!

i remember...

These Two.

Show me how to kiss the sun and not get burnt..
Show me how to stop a fire from spreading..
Show me how to love and not lose control..
Show me how to let go and uncurl my fingers..

this business with the heart can get so dirty
and once lies enter the game it’s forfeited before half-time
there must be a way to recapture what was lost
or are the strings still attached to this story..

Brotha. Sista. Work it out.

you do and you do and you do not listen
blowing up my phone wanting to vent when he’s dissin’
child, take a step out the box and look for yourself
tell me if you like what you see (I sure don’t)

then you go off and make hasty threats
watch it, might say something you’ll fast regret
cause he don’t react when you’re reacting
try taking slow breaths, calm down and listen

Sista. Stop riding too fast on your emotions. slow down.

he knows he shouldn't be so secretive
but I guess it’s part of his belief system
for him to change would be like going against the grain in his mind
and I hope you two don’t mind that I’m representin' this in my writing..

Brotha. You know you wrong for holding back.

she said “I’m tired of all the cussing n hollering” (true that)
he said “you always coming at me with these same old questions”
she said “you’re not doing what you supposed to do for your woman!”
he says nothing..

Brotha. Don’t leave her hanging.

you gotta accept responsibility too, for the breakdown
takes two to build a happy home and destroy one
but if you know you were the one to deliver the final blow
brotha, you gotta step up and rectify (if that’s what you want)

Brotha. Sista. Work it out.

who’s listening when everybody else is screaming
who's benefiting from the demise of this union
i’ve said all I can and I don’t know what else I can do
the only one who can fix this is the two of you

Brotha. Sista. Do it, before it’s too late…

Show me how to kiss the sun with my lips..
Show me how to quiet a blazing fire…
Show me how to love and laugh together…
Show me how to only hold on when it is forever…

ATOMS

my poetry
takes me
on journeys
and trips
in my mind.

____________________

my music
fuses words
and verbs
and pumps
breaths into
my core
and i
come alive
because of
it.

____________________

the seasons
give reason
to my mood
and attitude
and that is
why i am
always
changing.

_____________________

the sun
fills my day
in the same
way the bible
feeds your soul
and it shines
and ignites
my might
with its
light.

______________________

my love
can make
me smile
me cry
me moan
me shine
at the same
time.

______________________

my vice
that bites
and grinds
at my soul
and makes me
lose control
and scream
and sigh
come from
lies.

_______________________

sex is
a natural high
that glides from
the top of
my head to my
thighs and my
toes and feels
so dynamite
in my loins.

_______________________

my life
my will
is and always
will be
God filled
and the physics
of my lyrics
are enriched
by my
spirit.

DailyBread

spiritual Saviour, send soothing psalms over
calm my creative core with cool coconut water blessings
sensor my ears from the verbal viciousness vaporizing my atmosphere
mentor my mouth with lyrics of heavenly manna
may my eyes eagerly engage in the enchantment of this earth
let me taste the testament that is the truth of your word
mold my mind with the miracle of your message...

can i seek forgiveness for my foolish favours?
and as i expect, let me forgive my neighbours

help me to..
lend love where it is absent..
shine light where there is darkness
take time to listen where there are too many voices
help me to help others, help themselves..

guide me
govern my being
graciously accept my apology for being a sinner

spiritual Saviour, send soothing songs over
calm my creative character with healing cocoa butter
that i may serve you Holistically, Divinely and Unconditionally..
forever.

..dig...

loving you...
makes me feel weak
weren't you the one who used to
set my soul on fire with music?

the apple
between my needle eye
damn, weren't you that guy..
to elevate me to cloud nine highs
sing my spirit to sleep with your lullabies

inspire me
to put pen to paper to verse
and then hide those same notes from you of course..

then why
does my foundation seem so uneven?
why am i asking all of these questions?
aren't we suppose to be "in love"
i'm starting to wonder...
what we're truly made of.

tonight i feel
like i'm all used up and melancholy
and the sparks that flew have flown off
and died down already

too soon, i say too soon...

loving you
makes me feel weak
weren't you the one to put music to my feet?
whisper words that were ummm ummm sweet
i wanted to lick them with my tongue
damn, i could've sworn we belonged

but i
can't make you love me in the way
that is unconditional, and i can't stay anymore
if our love is not official

and i understand now..
wrap my heart up with a bandage
two lovers can't make love speaking love
with different languages......cause

loving you
makes me feel weak
makes me feel like i don't deserve the love
other poets speak of.

should i stay and take whatever?

shouldn't i
question you or god forbid my nagging
ignore all the boasting and the bragging
from others who have something

something real
something worth holding onto
i'm so tired of all of these rhymes i write
that somehow lead me back to you

and here i go again
with another long monologue
trying to find answers to many questions
in my own dialogue

and my little voice has stopped talking to me..

has karma finally
caught up to my offenses
am i wasting your time with all
of these monotonous sentences..

loving you
makes me feel so weak
and you never listen to the words i speak..

i sometimes feel
you're too lazy, not willing to go the extra mile
you do whatever you want to do and that just ain't my style

a girl's got to have
support and a shoulder to lean on
and everyday should be spent happier than
the last one..

it's about
communication
soul sensations
mind meditations
honesty and respect
it should feel
so good
so pure
so satisfying and patient

but...

loving you
makes me feel weaker
i used to think you were a keeper
now i don't know what's real
yet i know i need something a lil deeper

to paint my soul
with colours that are blinding
and make my heart a-tingle
with the light our love is shining

i need to take some time, some time
and really think this through, this through
i've never been a quitter matter of a fact
i've worked much harder since you, since you

but the love i have to give
is worth more than happiness 'sometimes'
and i think the day has come when i should stop
wasting your time....

..and mine.

loving you makes me feel weak and that's the reason.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j9l17XR74Ts

..in..

intensity
hearts beating
eyes staring
lips opening..

a feeling
that words could try to explain
but do no
justice..

savouring
enjoying
de-flowering
yawning..

intensity
magnifying magical trips
thoughts lazily dripping into fingers
that touch..

soul ties
on beds lie
and white sheets
no more..

intensity
draws me out
and energies my core

everyday..

chasings

i feel like
i can't sometimes
put into words
how i feel

i'm scared of
so many different things
and their meanings yet
these same things keep
my company when
i am scared

i

am

so

clueless

i don't even
know what to do
when something needs
to be done

who

am

i?

have you ever
heard a voice in
the distance and felt
weird when you realized
it was your own
voice?

truth is
i've been running
and hiding and playing
hide and seek with
the truth

i

can't

take

it

i hate
feeling things i
don't want to
feel

i hate
thoughts consuming
my thoughts

i

feel

so

powerless

loving you
makes me feel
weak.

:)

can't
get
to
sleep
what are these thoughts swirling around in my head that i cannot reach?

feeling
hungry
as
each
minute
passes
and my stomach is starting to mix all of these gases.

oh
to
dream
and
let
my
mind
travel
and let all the wonders of my soul unravel?

is
that
a
yawn
i
feel
body tired by my brain seems to be on overkill.

i
think
i'll
go
count
some
sheep
after a day like today a girl needs some sleep.

good-night
stars
and
moon
above
sleep
guardian
angel
and show a sista some love in the morning with some coffee and a bagel :)

better off alone

you should've said yes
and read my mind
and finish my sentence
i thought you said..
wait hold up
are you changing your tongue?
a second ago
yes you have your right to...
but i don't get it
you're confusing me
i'm NOT over-emotional
stop making excuses
fine!!#$*@#
no i'm not lying
i don't mind bending again
oh so i'm not independent?
some nerve...
i'm still listening
but it's different for women
that will be the day
and that's mature?
i ain't apologizing
you just can't handle this
don't turn your back on me
why do i even bother?
go ahead then
ye i'm raising my voice
i don't care what the neighbours say
maybe you should do that
why am i not surprised?
some things never..
alright then
bye!

words

i can't really apologize
for the way i feel
cause these dreams are haunting me...
still.

and i can't quite describe
the heart beat growing
or the smile waiting to greet you...
glowing.

the warmness from within
that can cool your soul
the trembling arms stretched out
for you to grab hold.

and the yearning and burning
like a fierce fiery ball
i can't ignore that heat..
at all.

i could ask a million questions
that would take an eternity to answer
i could stay away and wonder
or become a private dancer.

i could gaze upon the stars
or whip my magic wand
but that would only really work
if i actually had one.

sometimes it's hard no lie
to try to comprehend
how my mind and heart are..
constantly warring.

to put it into writing
feels so out of tune and off-beat
and i can't even find the right words...
to speak.

but i hold onto the hope
that the horizon is arising
no more gasping for fresh air
and hypothesizing.

i want to know what's real
from the spurious
so excuse me if i may seem
over-curious.

i'm running out of time
my patience wearing thin
and the light that shines inside
is lessening.

i'm watching myself walk away
and wave good-bye in the distance
but it's not too late for you
i appreciate persistence.

but come with an honest heart
and a song i've never heard
let your actions speaker louder this time
than your words.

peace.

switching lanes on straight lines

i've been feeling weary
heart....heavy
these people are abusing my psyche
damn...get off me
let me breathe
lemme shine
it's cold how you wanna try to test my mind

with your..
fake smiles
fake genuity
i see right through all the unoriginality
doubting myself
doubting my core
i have so much more to give than they could ever know

feeling weak
feeling tired
my soul has damn near from my body retired
and these tears that floweth
from a heavy heart
never stop once they start

i am here for a reason
but recently i've lost the taste of your season-ing
up, can't hide the truth
and i lay in wait
steadily gathering my proof
to shine the light on
all of these misconceptions
and give birth to a word
born out of no protection

from the they, the them
the mosquitoes that bite me
the sting of a bee, the wrath of an aedes
now this fever
is catching-a-fire
and burning
in my soul
and once unleashed
not even the jaws of life can hold -
me

imma go out
and i'm gonna
let the world know to watch for the stealers
who be-friend you
then tarnish your soul
watch for out the the "unrealers"
they tempt you with imitation gold dealers

i'll shout it out loud
and hope they hear my echo
and run more talk than the green gecko -
dude you'd think i was
glued to your set, your soundbox
but be careful what you wish for
cause sometimes
you have the key
with nothing left to
unlock.

the little voice.

i sat and thought and thought and thought
that my dreams were wasted fancies
and i cursed and sighed and moaned and groaned
for the laziness that has become me.

i dreamt a dream that dreamers dreamt
and wished and wished and wished
that my urgency to lie next to you
would like the thunder vanish.

how can how comes howling moons
and red rain forest rivers
i hoped and hoped and hoped hope would
deliver me from this shiver.

so i laid my thoughts across this bread
reflected in the crimson sky
digested the dream of butterfly schemes
and began to live a lie.

be heard!

find your voice
always speak the truth
command your heart to love
run free in old age like you did in your youth.

why don't you?
find your voice
and let your tongue be pure
live in the joy of the moment
and sing songs of praise that could heal and cure.

go on..
find your voice
and learn to listen too
always seek the answers to those questions
that can bring you closer to understanding you.

people..
find your voice
and awaken your sleeping dreams
love longingly, live lusciously, laugh loudly
and your sound will resonate and create rainbow beams.

push pull

i'd rather take a bullet
than to deal with heartbreak
inner turmoil and unease
i'd kill for some inner peace

(please)

giving of one's self
sacrificing it all
i'd rather be at the bottom
than in love standing tall

(all things fall)

showering with gifts
laughing until it hurts
i'd rather live in darkness
than the beauty of life's birth

(self-worth)

reasoning behind lies
fluttering stomach butterflies
i'd lean more towards sadness
than the feeling of Love's gladness

(emotional madness)

i'd rather only feel Love's pain
than to live and love again
and forever run from Love's heartache
cause i'd rather take a bullet
because of it.

...and it's getting late.

she has no time
for laziness and 'don't carishness'
for the notion of wait and see
she
has no time
for do-overs and come-on-overs
for seconds to reality
she has
no time
to spare talking and working-on-it
for 'you're trying to control my life' sonnets
for pressuring mentally
she has no
time
for these new faces
for voids filling spaces for
let's take baby steps baby
she has no time
for maybes.

sunday afternoon confessions...

i long to feel whole

i let the devil ravish my soul last night

with thoughts of mistrust and low self-worth

now i feel naked like Eve in the garden.

seeing double.

double lines
double words
double lives
double entendres
double spaced
double vision
double bed
double meaning
double seated
doubled up
double jeopardy
double duty
double negative.

2 threads from the same cloth

i looked in the mirror
unsure of my reflection
i just couldn't recognize this face.

like a kidnapped imagine
i started looking but couldn't finish
do i know you from some other place?

where was the woman?
that lived in this empty shell
that held magic in her gaze.

on a mirror so pale
no sunshine in this space
just a memory of a forgotten face.

staring into space

love
has
many levels
layers and spheres
cycles and plateaus
varying planes
love rains
and
pours
and
drips
ebbs and creeps
sinks to the bottom
it floats
it flies
soars
seeks higher ground
new spaces
and stars
it shines
stretches
beyond
imagination's line
love is
round
square
rectangular
in shape
bends
twists
curves
contorts
deceives
love leaves....

eating grass

wake up son!! time to be a man!

"maa?"

yes, i'm talking to you young lamb

grow
up!!

echoing deity

i heard someone say "shape-shifters", mind drifters, re-gifters?

i heard someone say truth and politics in the same sentence.

i heard someone say words that were laced with fire that burnt my ear, damn! that was cold.

i heard someone pity me, patronize me and criticize me at the same time without even taking a breath. (mad skillz)

i heard someone say "man, your poems are too long, write 'sum short if you want me to read 'um". (i gave them my fourth finger)

i heard someone say "astral travel with gold bands" and i got lost in my mind's imaginary abyss. now i'm open to all thoughts.

i heard someone whisper something in the distance and by the time it reached me it filled my heart with gladness. i think those were good words.

i heard someone talking to me in my sleep......"now only if i could get you to commit to my Word when you're awake".

i heard someone complain about the gas prices and brag about their new fendi. (oh, you got it like that?)

i heard they named one of them Ike and realised that once again my island has been saved.

i heard someone say Obama or Die.

i heard someone say "so what!!" to being different, go on girl...let it out!!

i heard someone scream at the top of their lungs verbally raping my sense of self then gently apologize the next second and i was scared. these are the signs...

i heard someone cry out loud last night for the first time (i wonder how long she's been holding that one in?)

i heard someone mention forgiveness and i must admit i'm working on it.

i heard someone with my mind and once i was able to filter out the background noise i realised i was blessed to have good energy around me.

i heard someone start but i didn't listen long enough to hear them finish. i am tired of listening to negativity.

finally..
i heard God in a dream praying for me and now i feel..
better.

i can be.

rambling

i'm not who i used to be
i'm changing..rearranging
shifting hemispheres and consciousness
subconsciously working overtime
perennial war in my mind
i'm not who i use to be
i see different
smell different
talk differently
my vernacular has veered off
inconsistently
i'm uncomfortable
miserable
i'm not who i used to be
i am running
getting tired
walking
dragging my feet
i feel weak
and my head hurts
thinking
too much thinking
i miss the self i was
when i was myself.
recently
i've been missing who i used to be...

Love's Junkie

i love to write about love
and i love to listen to love songs
i love butterflies fluttering in my underbelly
and i love the sight of loved ones.

i love this whole notion of love
if i could fly i'd be a lovebird
i love the smell, taste, essences of love
i'm like the ladylove of love words.

i love falling in love slowly
and i love to be deliriously happy
i love my fingers entwined in warms arms
and eyes that see through me lovingly.

i love, loveeee laughing till it hurts
you'd think i got bitten by the love bug
i love getting trapped in loves sticky fingers
even if i think my heart's been mugged.

i am the original love child, make no mistake
love oozes, drips from every pore
when i love i love completely, wholeheartedly
sometimes i love until my soul is sore.

is there anything better than puppy love?
or the sweet scent of lovemaking?
when lying in the arms of your beloved
just knowing without saying.

i love so many things about love
from it's poetic words to it's melody
and even if love were to walk away
i know i will always have love's memory.

sigh* i just love......LOVE.

Tuesday's Waltz

it's Tuesday...
i lazily awaken to the sun
shining through my window
reminding me that i am blessed.

to the kitchen
to cook up some brain food
some oats and eggs put me in the right mood
for a creative day.

traffic?! we thought
we'd beaten it by leaving earlier
but today there seems to be more cars
than yesterday.

first at work today..
yay! maybe i can clock out early
haven't had the chance to walk the dogs all week
shame on me!

evening walk
with close friends to let the stress
from the day escape and welcome in the
refreshment of evening time..

dinner time's
a lil different tonight, i'm cooking
baked potatoes broiled breasts vegetables
only cause mama says

bedtime is the best time
reflection on a beautifully blessed day
and a wish and hope and prayer to God
that i live to see the light again
on Wednesday morning...

I Trip..

when will come the time
when my heart and soul align
and the inner torment silenced
'twas the end of emotional violence.

like a bad actor in this perfect patent
the fallacies of that theory were so blatant
crumbling sands into hands holding nothing
breaking down my sanity like a ragamuffin.

wouldn't life be simpler if we all just played?
is everyone else but me in on this masquerade?
slowly slipping back in that tumultuous sea
desperately grasping to fading bravery.

anxiety anxiously occupies my vine
deafening loud yet as quiet as a mime
is sign language the only way i can reach you?
has silence made our existence mute?

stretching out hands that no one holds
like an aged woman with the innocence of a 7 year old
pondering the mystery of a lover's mind unknown
i couldn't reach you with or without a microphone
so i moaned alone...

warm skin on the outside of a heart that is shivering
sulking sorrows sighs begin but have no ending
i know i can be much more than my mind's song
but my heart is dragging sensibility's line down.

i tripped over somebody else's lies...

yet i am waiting for that delirious feeling
a sense of good-byes past and new beginnings
an air that would sweep away all of my cries
with the power to lift my heart up to the skies

what a day that will be
when the memory of you dies...

once a child..

i am me.
i am a sinner
i am not curvy
i am particles of my past and future tense
i am black like my coffee with a dash of cream
i am west indian so i speak with an accent
i am imperfect and i have trouble with that sometimes
i am slow to make a fuss or a noise, a weakness? i have to ask
i am patient and too kind, but hey i don't mind
(someone has to be)
i am an underachiever, a good listener and i cry sometimes
i am not pretty but i look good so i've been told
(whatever that means)
i'm emotive but don't get me wrong i can be strong
(when i need to be)
i am losing my passion
i am losing my love, my lover
so it goes...

i am shaped by everything, molded by different hands
i am all the pain that you've been through
and now i'm looking to my shadow
i am looking beneath the surface
to get a clearer view...

i am seeing you with new eyes.

...and shine..

i and i and i and I
have decided today, to let the pain die
and realized that, i needed to smile more
why on earth would i be living my life for?
if i didn't give praise and be thankful for the small things
love God and celebrate the joy loving Him brings
i've opened my weary eyes to the yellow sunlight
i've accepted "i am who i am" in his righteous sight
and i ain't apologizing for being me....
i'm standing tall, walking upright, swaying my hips
i am energy+positivity+sensuality's daughter's lips
for just when i thought i was a forgotten soldier
my faith has lifted my burdens off of my shoulders
and now i too, feel free....
there is a peace within, that felt strange at first
like a foreign being, had taken over my thirst
and the absence of light that consumed my eyes
broke free this morning when i woke up and realized
"what a beautiful surprise the sunrise is
to those who've lived in darkness"
now, it's so bright.....
i am falling in love with each new day
living my life in a way that even from a distance
you can tell where my fruits lay
did i mention that i am thankful.....
thankful for the second chances and opportunity
thankful for the food of life that feeds me
thankful for the spiritual, the physical and the mental
i am thankful for everything that is uniquely individual
i am holding onto to everything like i am totally greedy
i am pulling closer all of the radiant energies
i am holding onto the joy that is truly mine
for i am a star
how can i not shine?
i am learning more
i am living more
i am accepting that i am a poet
and no longer somebody's puppet
so this thing, whatever it is, i ain't running from it
and i'll use it as my experiment till
i reach the limit...
and i need to write more.....
i need to love more hardcore
i need to give thanks more
i need to sing more
i need to be much more, than my mind
and i need to leave the past, behind
i need to remind myself of where i want to go
and i need to go there...
i need to stop rambling
and i need to find a way to end this poem
i need to go out on a high note
so i think i'll just end this one with one of my
favourite quotes...

"trust in the Lord with all of your heart and lean not to thine own understanding, but in all thy ways acknowledge him and he shall direct thy path"
Proverbs 3:5-6




http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LbtVepS53t0

this one is called "the mystery of you"

there you go
love has failed me again
and when things come to an end
i am tempted to remember the beginning….
charming New York streets you found me
wandering – looking for something, anything with passion
never fashioned you would be the one to warm my heart
totally threw me with that seduction part and after you left
memories stayed and stayed, for days.

but again, there you go
love has broken me down
went from just wanting you around
to life being so quiet no more music in my song
and at times like these I start to feel so, so sad
then I think on it some more and i tend to feel mad
but I can’t blame anyone but myself for bringing this fate
i was the one who pulled the trigger on this relationship
but that damn well don’t mean that I don’t feel it.

I probably feel it deeper than you do.

there you go love
walking away in the distance
i know it’s for the best but my heart is putting up resistance
my misery has all but my being consumed
my heart is still pining for this one, mourning for you
I know it’ll be a while before I ever give again
it will be a long way from now 'fore I see the sun shine through the rain
and know that I’ll be missing you too like the desert needs the rain
can't you tell that my soul is still in so much pain?
but I know love never stays where it’s not fanned
I want a man who is gonna unconditionally love this woman
and I want the same for you no question
but loving my best friend was my biggest deception
now alls I can do is gaze at our memories reflection.

I’ll miss you more than words can understand

...transitioning

i need to find someone

someone who i can pass time with...

and not notice the time passing

someone rocksteady

to share a smile or a kind word

to whisper the tune of the hummingbird

soothe my uneasy spirit with an evening visit

to help me pass this trying time
and keep my company's rhyme

to inject laughter where my quiet heart sighs

to know when to sit and listen
and just let me cry

with deep understanding eyes

i'm not lonely just need someone to

pass the time.
that's all.

ms. moody's happy misery

there goes ms. moody

with her highs and her lows

changes shape faster than the wind blows

what lies on the inside only her soul knows
wears her heart on the outside of her clothes
a peaceful girl screaming from the inside
wavering soul hiding behind her pride
she's tired...she'd kill for some normalcy
some peace....some cease fire

she's tired...but then she's so happy

she's bubbly...giggly...silly!!

she's energy....she's energy

she's balloon popped by a needle point

she's getting high off a neo-soul joint

she's jill going up that hill to meet jack

she's two beats closer to a heart attack

she's flat...rock bottom...low...

feeling like she'd just rather die

how can a girl with wings not know how to fly?

ms. moody's making everyone miserable and sad
woke up this morning happy but goes to sleep mad

but she's glad that she's not the only one alone

there goes ms. moody with her highs and lows
there she goes...

begin..

hello world....
do you still have room for one of your forgotten sistas?
for one of your lost daughters who's slowly trying to pick up the
pieces slowly trying to walk on weak knees, trying to climb a moun-
tain with no fighting spirit. do you have time to listen to her
blues echo off the walls of her heart as she tries to hold on? seems
like they've been barriers all around this sista but hey world, don't
you miss her?

don't you wanna hear
her laughter coming through the kitchen, don't you wanna smell her
soul dancing in the streets of Manhattan, a kick ass smile lighting up
your vision, damn! you've would've sworn the sun lived in heaven. her
bright sight weaving a path her great grands would want to walk in.
metamorphosis.


when was the last time she felt something real?
how can you tell when a broken heart has been healed?
how is it that she knows how this and that feels,
truth is, she does....on a real.

she feels.

i miss her laughter the most, i miss her laughing at those corny
jokes, man, i miss who she was becoming...world, won't you let
her back in?

1817

ebony fair lady
with pins in her hair
bows politely at the suitor coming her way
care to dance? care to write to me
like they did back in the day
the Victorian era
when love was uninhibited
love was patient
love had time to grow love
was slow.

ebony fair lady
with pins in her hair
bows so lady-likely to the same suitor as he walked away
they're other men in the room she muses
"i'll have mine before the sun gets low"
and she'll revel in the thought of taking love slow
don't
forget
to
write
me.....

my mind knew.

heart beat so loud, supplying
the room with the rhythm of
the mood.......slow soft hands
find their way up my thighs
....surprise! i've been waiting
for you...wet, dripping pouring
with juice. trembling legs part
to welcome you....hello, nice to
see you.....glad we could meet
(been dreaming of this man all
week in my sleep)........slowly
penetrating my core my being
my sweet smelling with something
po-si-tive-ly glowing breathing
deelpy in my ear as we align in
perfect symmetry....toes curled
fingers digging into this brotha's
back........lips gently nibbling my
neck....."ummmm, feel good babe?
does it really?" thrusts harder
to remind me....ringing phone
goes unanswered in his shirt jack
he's where he wants to be, better
believe that and i am too as this
moment fills me....temperature rising
so fast it's scary....i saw....i conquered
i came..to nirvana. i could lie with
this man for the rest of my life but
we have to part ways before the sunlight.
so it goes, out the candles he blew last
night i cheated on you but only
in my mind....

Be.

I am Poetry
‘picture it, you and I juxtaposed’
and the like, maybe you’ve heard of me?
i have the power to evoke joy in a ripple, sadness at the same time
i have within my belly an embryo of adjectives, a handful of rhymes
when i speak i send shudders down your spine, past your behind
and i can take your breath away with just one line…
i birth words in my vocabulary grapevine
I am......Poetically inclined.

Hello, it's me, Dance
i can bring you to your feet with an Oscar worthy performance
with a contemporary flavour, an injection of funk in my stance
contorting my body in ways to wrap around your imagination's glass
just one beat can change my mood from a high to low to mid teaser
with the passion of a latin lover, so catchy i give the cold a fever
but don't stretch out your hands if you can't catch me
I am a believer in Dance choreography.

My name is Music
but my middle name is Jazz
and i can seduce you with the melodic beats my sound has
i can set the mood for some "under the sheets" type menage
and i can create in the soul a psychedelic visage, i'm that kinda
addictive music, you wanna shoot up your arm and tempt the fate
of those who listen to it just one note can move you beyond cognition
with pizazz. i am Jazz, but some called me
Musically had.

who am i?

in the limelight....

sitting there,
wishing he'd just whisper
sweet somethings in my air
words that would carry enough wind
to rustle my hair
lips close enough
i could feel him breathe
i just wish he'd kiss me
miss me caress me
i need his energy
in my atmosphere.
but instead we
just sat there
listening to that guy
play the guitar...

a reminder to those who pine...

i am a prisoner of my past
confined by memories that cut the glass of my subconscious
this pain resides within the atoms of my being
and i can't describe the devastation that is this feeling
imagine falling and forever falling no ending
yet wishing you could just crash into something
anything....to break the monotony
so fearful of sleeping as images jump out at me
even with my eyes closed no sleep
awake in the maze of a vision i can't forget
sigh* i regret even bringing this up
but i sometimes wish i could close my eyes....

i feel like i've been
ringing the same old doorbell
with no answer

i feel like i've been
banging the same wall
forever

i feel like i don't
deserve anything at all
like i'm worthless

yet i long to give
mind heart and soul
to someone else

can anyone hear me?
can anybody understand what it feels like
to be stabbing your own heart with a knife
tiny jolts ring through my body and never let go
usually, on any ordinary day....i feel so low

i am, indeed, a prisoner of my past
a prisoner of a memory that resides in my subconscious
a captive in the heart of my soul's core
kidnapped and bound by threads i don't
even know how to let go or run from
as the pain overfloweth my cup
sometimes i wish i could just close my eyes....



(and never wake up)

final words and parting gifts

i'm saying good-bye to you...but not without leaving a few words...

good-bye to the sun shining on my blues

good-bye to those dark eyes that see me through

good-bye to the screaming voices in my head

good-bye to warm bodies lying in my bed

good-bye to iced tea chilled to perfection

good-bye to an almost invisible reflection

good-bye to lost love and growing old

good-bye to new mornings and sunset's gold....good-bye to colours

good-bye to mistrust and pent up anger

good-bye to gazing in the eyes of a stranger

good-bye to familiarity and quiet talks

good-bye to spontaneity and long walks

good-bye to smells, tastes, words and sounds

good-bye to just wanting you around.....we didn't need a reason....

good-bye to eyes filled with tears that don't move you

good-bye to insecurity and warm arms too

good-bye to loneliness in this crowded room

good-bye to dreams that never came true

good-bye to falling on deaf ears and seeing through blinded eyes

i'm waving good-bye to grieving skies....letting the sun shine through the clouds...

good-bye to the silence that is deafeningly loud

good-bye to tomorrows and forever afters

good-bye to the epiphany in your laughter

good-bye to all the bad vibes and negativity

good-bye to the bright ideas and creativity

good-bye to all the good times and the happiness

good-bye to the be-bopping of my heart in my chest....when i saw you...

good-bye to my lowly heart breaking into two

tonight, i'm saying good-bye....

good-bye to you...but not without leaving my final words...

i wish you all the best...

peace.

mind trip (prelude)

can i

fly with you?

inhale your air till i'm high off you

candles burning, soul music playing low

grab the spotlight with the eyes of a miracle

elevate your mood with a sunshiny attitude

bringing peace to a spirit with a lighter shade of blue

like the backdrop of the never-ending sky you

and i glide.

can i

flow with you?

feed you...with good lovin' from my plate

wipe your tears and light your creative -

mind with a fresh rhyme and rhythm of a beautiful hue

singing lullabies to capture the realm of you

so inspired i even wrote a song for you...it's called music

spreading love's seeds into your soft bosom

gently holding your heart at ransom.

can i

grow with you?

from a crawling babe hold your hand

mould and build a beautiful God Gifted Man

draw from you that energy to keep breaths breathing

lie next to you to keep dreams dreaming

whisper words that would make love's loving blush

i'm getting hot just thinking about your touch

and your psyche, so bright you might blind me.

can i

walk with you?

arms draped across my shoulder

feet lazily caressing the sands of our time

as love begins to flow from your veins into mine

pumped! pumping beats...heating the room

tattooing hearts of me onto you

can i draw for you?

tell you

how you have set me free?

so open now i love wearing my emotions on my sleeve

unashamed...no more disguising my heart in costume

as my melody steadily dances across the room

to where you are, you are my guiding star, my food for life

my light and my favourite being

can i

become

the woman you're seeing?

For Terehas...

church bright and early sunday morning, eagerly anticipating pastor johnson's sermon. john hus has to be my favourite church in brooklyn, so much soul i don't even care if i lose control here.

then i see her.....wait is that? no can't be, it just don't look like.....she is smaller, frailer yet she's walking up to the mic so upright and confidant, i sit in a few pews from the back straining in the distance.

she starts to testify 'bout how she grew angry at God, how she'd abandoned her saviour and just couldn't understand why He, wouldn't have her in his favour and would've given her this disease. but she got up from her knees to shout out loud how she's believing again, no one ever promised clear skies without the rain.

i whispered to my aunt, what's wrong with Terehas, my aunt whispered back, Terehas has Lupus.......

and i sat there in my little pew feeling sad, as i once held someone close who had that disease. Tereahs please, don't give up.

For Terehas
sista girl,
don't let the devil steal your joy
you are an angel amongst angels
you are a white dove soaring in the blue sky
you are the light of a candle
just let the good Lord guide your path
the devil may come to break your spirit
but your mountain stands firm even during an earthquake
and you end up having the last laugh.

it's about the foundation.

sista girl,
you are beautiful
your walk is beautiful
your talk is beautiful
girl, even your hair is beautiful too
tell me, what shampoo do you use?

keep climbing sista
go on with your glowing black skin
reach high for all your dreams
and let the light of Jesus shine in
put away all your worries
and throw away all your fears
you are loved by even me, a stranger
and you can conquer any battle, cross any valley, swim any river, you can do ANYTHING all you have to do is trust God and begin....

a quiet monday evening in May

water drips slowly
from the faucet causing
the cup to overflow
i wonder
how much water would it take to flood the kitchen?
gets a little chilly at night
where are my socks?
the ones with the red dots are my favourite
gentle winds blow
the curtains over the chair
then they fall back to their position
like an army that just finished saluting something
just standing still
all day.

looking pretty so
guests can come admire
the design
a curtain's life is enough to inspire vanity.

a door closes
who is that in the bathroom?
staring at the wall
as if by some magic trick my
eyes will penetrate the surface
only on TV, i'm not superman.

so quiet
i can't help but notice
as i try to drown out the sound of her whimpering
don't cry, please
i can't stand to hear you crying.

where the light is

you are in a damp place
underneath all that is "unpretty"
you penetrate the holes of any substance
no escape, you find me even when i think i'm out of reach
that safety zone of solitude yet i see you peeping through
creating a psychedelic view for those who dare to gaze
i stretch my hands out to you yet i can't touch you
i can't feel you but i want you to shine on me
you bring a certain hint of crimson to my mahogany
who dares to even outrun you must be tired
as you have that fighting spirit to stay the race
such grace, such awe-some-ness, such power
the glow of a lamp and the life of a flower
you are where the light is....
you open me up i'm no longer afraid
i seek you out in around and above
you are in everything i love and don't know
and you are permeating the outer and inner depths of my soul.

(inspired by john mayer cover)

We.

in its simplest form
in its purest state
without hesitation
without regret and full of honesty
no complications
no commas or exclamations
no poetic explanations
no reasons why or because what if
no wondering what it is
as hot as 100 degrees
as cold as minus 3
without anarchy or money
rich or poor medium wage
before the first and last stage
at the end of every page of every sheet
every minute every hour seven days a week

i love you.

sunset lows (i catch when you throw)

i am SCREAMING
in my sound proof room
my soul is pining for you
i can't breathe i can't live i can't be
i can't wake i can't talk i can't eat
i feel weak
i feel like my core is dying
there's no reason why i should be crying
there is no reason why i should be losing sleep
a friend once said 'speak what you seek'
do you know how those words affect me?
well i can't say it any louder
i want to be free for us to be
these are the days of our lives
but i feel like i'm down to my last life line
the beats of my heart are bumping outta tune
and my tears are over-flowing and flooding out the room
and i screamed all last night in my sleep
and you're lying next to me yet you didn't hear me weep
i could as well spend my nights alone
where the sun's rays hit and the moonlight's shone
cause if you can't rescue me then who
i don't want to start drifting a way from you
i know i want you and i know what i need
but i need your energy on which to feed
i need your strength to help keep my spirit alive
it is your rock on which i scribe
i need you i choose you i feel you
i need you to need me and feel me too
how else can i say what is real in my heart
this war is slowly bleeding my art
and i'm afraid of moving on without you....

IS?

is it the way you smile when i walk in the room?
is it the way you bring life to my spirit and soul?
it is the way you take control of my mood and shift me to a brighter attitude?

is it you?

is it you that wakes me up in the morning to live a new day?
is it you that challenges me and takes me to higher planes?
is it you that listens and never gets tired of my complaints?

is it you?

that has the power to move hills and mountains?
that commands the waters that run in rivers and fountains?
that gives life to every living thing and living being?
that i believe in though i've never seen?

ye it must be..

the God of the valley
the bright and morning star
you are everywhere and in everything
giving me the spiritual energy to bring joy to my sadness
and hope to my wavering, wandering being.

lovEBound

i am hungry
i am thirsty for you
i am breathing you....in and out
of my mouth. you know what i'm talking 'bout
it's about you and how you make me do
all the things i said i won't do again
quenching this desire that's been burning
yearning...to break free
i can't describe the ways in which you fill me
damn! i think you got me
spinning tumbling mumbling
i'm stuttering for you
i sure hope you feel it too
cause it takes two.

new script (ahmissya)

i choose you, that's why i'm here
what more must you understand?
they're no second motives, no masterplan
stop listening to soothsayers and gypsies
don't get caught up in the he said she said disease
please, lemme breathe, let us breathe and receive what we deserve.
it's like we're fighting a war just to be
then we turn the tension inside
you call me bossy, sassy and all kinds of adjectives
i'm not trying to run your life brotha
i'm not trying to be your mother but
my voice deserves to be heard sometimes.
we are living under these eyes, the judge and the jury
we are choking in our space and creating inner anarchy
it's been a while since i saw the sun in you
it's been a while since we let the light shine through
let's get back to that you and me cloud nine high.
i chose you and you only. let's get back to where we should be
when our hearts were pure and our love was new
i miss you...

6 minutes after sundown

this is not how
i thought it would be
you see that girl
standing in the corner
looking all melancholy
and you wonder....
who is she?

"hi, i'm sadness wrapped in my bosom
with hopelessness in my smile.
i am forgotten dreams and ambition too,
nice to meet you!"

she's tired
depends on silly sitcoms to laugh
she's breathing but only barely hanging in
she loves chocolate and long walks on the beach for miles
but recently she'd just be happy to smile...

she keeps on...

you're so close to me
i can feel your heartbeat pounding in my back
yet we're light years from where we should be
and though you're so near i can feel you breathe,
tonight i feel lonely.

so i put on some music to sing my blues
hoping my rhythm reaches you, that my words move you
and that you open your eyes and see our reality.

see the emptiness that lies within me. see the woman you created.

you're so close to me
yet my voice echoes when i call your name
distracted. tell me, what do you want from me?
tell me what you want me to do and i'll do it. what you want me to
make i'll make it, create it mold it. but i can't hold on much longer
less i fake it. i am lonely.

can you hear me? can you understand? i see these sistas
getting good loving from their man and i go damn!
i want some. its been too long i been here. too long.

so i turn the music loud to drown out my blues
and i'm bluesin' tonight over you over us and over what we aren't
closing my rhythm from you for you are proving to me
day by day that i can do better.

you're so close to me
i can feel your brown skin on my brown skin
but now my spirit is dying as we're ending.
i know this is what i want, what i need
but that doesn't stop the pain in my chest that is
my soul bleeding.

tomorrow i will start to move on but tonight
i have my tears to cry me to sleep.

for Fay.

i want the sun to shine on you.....

i want a man who's gonna meet me at the door with some green tea, gently massage my feet while i put on some Marvin Gaye....

i want a man who's gonna go out and work hard for bread for the table, talk about God like they were working side by side and knew each other intimately....

i want a man who's not gonna play and not gonna let disrepectin' sistas get in the way of what we both feel, freal, i want something real....

i want a man who's gonna love me unconditionally, whole-heartedly, spiritually, mentally, intellectually and all other words i can use to describe good love.....

and i want a man who's gonna walk next to me as i grow to become the God fearing woman i am meant to be knowing that my man gets me, understands me and supports me and that we are headed in the right direction....

that's all i want...
that's all i want.

why (I rhyme)

i don't have to rhyme
it's just the energy it gives me, to try to find matching words for that space in time ignites what was once dormant inside.

i don't have to rhyme
seriously, not all the time but i just always imagine myself on my guitar playing sweet songs that carry a rhyming imagery and it fills me.

i really, don't have to rhyme
it's just hard to describe what this writing tip does to me. it's like an orgasmic release leaving me wanting more and more no lie, it's hardcore, sometimes leaves me sore.

i don't need to rhyme
honestly, but asking me not to would be like depriving me of something that comes to me naturally. would be like depriving me of my right to breathe, would be like denying me my reason to live. i write because i believe in me

i rhyme because...

threads..

i miss the memory of you....

i miss the sun shining on my blues, cascading shadows off my back onto earth's surface...

i miss the sound of my laughter echoing to beyond evoking laughter amongst the rhythm of the tress...

i miss the smell of the subway on an early morning rush hour and the warm scent of bagels and cream cheese.

i miss going to school and feeding my brain, socializing with friends and limes..

i miss my football times...

i miss the colours of the sunset, yellow, orange and red that signals another day's end and the beginning of night time. i never really took the time to notice you....

i miss tattoos....

i miss the butterflies in my stomach at the sight of a lover whose hands i've anticipated all day....daydreaming...running down my back and over the course of my body.

i miss the chocolate kisses my auntie's been telling me about.

i miss the feeling of security and confidence that carried me on the wings of love but now i feel like i can't trust a soul.

i miss that good old soul music..stead of all this commercial sh*t....some of that grown folks music as my father likes to call it.

i miss the beginning...

i miss not knowing you intimately....ye i definitely miss the unknown.

i miss making love, i mean that good love that crippled me at the knees, made me beg please brotha, please gimme more, sweat dripping through every pore...magnetism! and i knew it was right. i miss that good love feeling.

i miss seeing you with undoubting eyes but i've seen so many lies and love flies that they too are wavering, seems like i can't trust my vision.

i miss the threads that made up my artistry...busy threading for other somebody's but what about me? i too have dreams....

i miss scrabble night, ambitious thoughts and theories.

i miss bedtime stories and getting tucked in at night that was the essence of an era of innocence.

i miss the look of love in cut off jeans and challenges.

i miss friendships.....

i miss you running around in my mind all day.

i miss you sometimes but i will always have our memories.

i miss my family; the ties that broke me down still bind me and flows in the blood inside me.

i miss flying free, i miss the music that stirred my soul, i miss losing control and being, seeing, learning, growing, flowing, 'vibsing, liming, dreaming...i miss me.

i miss everything.....
i miss everything.

cHanGeS

been making changes.....
taking my time, taking it easy
getting to know myself a lil more intimately
reintroducing myself to the woman i was before i stepped off that plane. (damn! she's changed)

for the better.

been making changes.....
learning how to enjoy my own company
realizing that i gotta walk before i can stand
and it will always be in his time not mine as i live by His hand.

still trying to change....
learning to love again, mind, soul and body
giving and not receiving and it don't even bother me
see, i am learning that i will get what is mine, when it's right and when it's ripe so i don't mind y'all.....i'll wait my time.

been making these changes.....
not sure what i'm looking to find
some say hope, some say joy, some say peace of mind
but i've come to realize the beauty in getting up when i fall and the most important lesson of all is, i can't expect a good man to love me if i don't.....

.....set my soul on fire with music
.....juice up my mind with rhymes
.....glorify Him and my blessings
.....be the woman i want to be in life
.....fill my cup till it overflows
.....fill my heart with joy until it bursts
.....and nothing will ever be truly mine if i don't

if i don't
if i don't love me
First.

I Choose

today....
i'm taking it slow, enjoying every day in my own time. taking the time to feel the wind blowing on my face, feeding off of positive energies. school children crossing everyone hustling 'bout their day but uh uh not me, i'm taking it intimately. watching. the leaves fall from the trees and settle on the ground. i am running in the sun hoping to get sunburn. yes i have a lot to learn from this universe if i just listen, if i just enjoy each second, if i enjoy each groove, i too can learn new moves, new attitudes, new moods, i too can be like the wind. traveling, searching, seeking you out in every corner, no hiding place from the invisible. enjoying today cause they're no promised tomorrows, enjoying today cause i can't go back in time and it no longer haunts me. i've broken free and it feels good. i'm living as i should. i'm that mocha butterfly they never thought would spread her wings but she's been listening. i'm that trigger waiting, ready to be released but only to shoot peace. i am coming and going and living as i please, i'm that song you can't get outta your head i'm that memory that hangs around uninvited. i'm that noise you keep hearing in your ear, i am here, there and everywhere and i'm enjoying their company. if i could turn back the hands of time i wouldn't change a thing, i know i am here for a reason and today.....
i'm taking it slowly, letting the good vibes flow from me, enjoying each day in my own time cause i'm not in a hurry, i'm taking the time to feel the wind blowing on my face, surpassing my every expectation and looking beyond the surface, a winner even if in last place....
today i choose happiness.