human nature

it's human nature, we can't deny our feelings, but we can hide them

take me back to the start

how should i feel? how can i answer that when i don't even know how i feel? it's like, moving away has been challenging, however, i thought i would've been more unsettled that this, i guess it's people i miss more than the actual environment. and now here i am in a place of such unfamiliarity, which is strange seeing that i've been coming here for years. i'm trying my best to maintain this positive attitude that i've adopted since i arrived but sometimes it can be so challenging when you totally don't know where you're headed. Already i am so not where i planned to be at this age, makes me wonder why plan to begin with, they just never go accordingly. and then i find myself fantasizing all the time, just these whirlwind ideas keep floating in my head, how i would love to experience at least one, just for one of my fantasies to come to be would be fabulous, even though they say fantasies are there to give us something to hope for, and that one should never achieve them for achievement would mean there's nothing more to look forward to. whatever! were i to achieve my fantasies i would just spend more time fantasizing of more fantasies. but here i am, not knowing where i'm going or where i'm going to end up, longing for something that everyday i am more convinced will never be mine and just trying to keep my head above water. i'm not going to even stress though, nobody said it would be easy........i wonder why?

melon

it sucks that i can't be there when she needs me the most. just like that, in an instant, you can lose someone you hold so dear. i wish i was there to listen, to laugh, to even cry with her, anything that would make a difference. family is so very important and i am reminded everyday how very lucky i am to have my family. Mel, i hope you're doing better today and that my prayers are reaching you every night, if i know "gertz" she probably up in heaven, right next to God, talking his poor lil ear off, lol. rest in peace.

don't leave

i miss you
and i'm still here
just saw your face in a dream
gonna be hard moving away
how things happen
and just totally change the tide
chaaaaa

caught

i'm surprised it took me so long to recognize you, true, i wasn't looking, well not at first, recently this burst came over me and has consumed my being, seeing i'm leaving soon you'd think i'd be better protected, that i'd have my own back, matter of fact that i'd not even be checking you out, no doubt. you make me feel. now, somehow, i've allowed this feeling to grow, even though, we can't be, funny i'm admitting this now but i don't wanna change how, things are, you're like totally at the top by far, do you even know who you are? i should probably stay away, stray for just a while, smile, it's for the best. i guess.