push pull

i'd rather take a bullet
than to deal with heartbreak
inner turmoil and unease
i'd kill for some inner peace

(please)

giving of one's self
sacrificing it all
i'd rather be at the bottom
than in love standing tall

(all things fall)

showering with gifts
laughing until it hurts
i'd rather live in darkness
than the beauty of life's birth

(self-worth)

reasoning behind lies
fluttering stomach butterflies
i'd lean more towards sadness
than the feeling of Love's gladness

(emotional madness)

i'd rather only feel Love's pain
than to live and love again
and forever run from Love's heartache
cause i'd rather take a bullet
because of it.

...and it's getting late.

she has no time
for laziness and 'don't carishness'
for the notion of wait and see
she
has no time
for do-overs and come-on-overs
for seconds to reality
she has
no time
to spare talking and working-on-it
for 'you're trying to control my life' sonnets
for pressuring mentally
she has no
time
for these new faces
for voids filling spaces for
let's take baby steps baby
she has no time
for maybes.

sunday afternoon confessions...

i long to feel whole

i let the devil ravish my soul last night

with thoughts of mistrust and low self-worth

now i feel naked like Eve in the garden.

seeing double.

double lines
double words
double lives
double entendres
double spaced
double vision
double bed
double meaning
double seated
doubled up
double jeopardy
double duty
double negative.

2 threads from the same cloth

i looked in the mirror
unsure of my reflection
i just couldn't recognize this face.

like a kidnapped imagine
i started looking but couldn't finish
do i know you from some other place?

where was the woman?
that lived in this empty shell
that held magic in her gaze.

on a mirror so pale
no sunshine in this space
just a memory of a forgotten face.

staring into space

love
has
many levels
layers and spheres
cycles and plateaus
varying planes
love rains
and
pours
and
drips
ebbs and creeps
sinks to the bottom
it floats
it flies
soars
seeks higher ground
new spaces
and stars
it shines
stretches
beyond
imagination's line
love is
round
square
rectangular
in shape
bends
twists
curves
contorts
deceives
love leaves....

eating grass

wake up son!! time to be a man!

"maa?"

yes, i'm talking to you young lamb

grow
up!!

echoing deity

i heard someone say "shape-shifters", mind drifters, re-gifters?

i heard someone say truth and politics in the same sentence.

i heard someone say words that were laced with fire that burnt my ear, damn! that was cold.

i heard someone pity me, patronize me and criticize me at the same time without even taking a breath. (mad skillz)

i heard someone say "man, your poems are too long, write 'sum short if you want me to read 'um". (i gave them my fourth finger)

i heard someone say "astral travel with gold bands" and i got lost in my mind's imaginary abyss. now i'm open to all thoughts.

i heard someone whisper something in the distance and by the time it reached me it filled my heart with gladness. i think those were good words.

i heard someone talking to me in my sleep......"now only if i could get you to commit to my Word when you're awake".

i heard someone complain about the gas prices and brag about their new fendi. (oh, you got it like that?)

i heard they named one of them Ike and realised that once again my island has been saved.

i heard someone say Obama or Die.

i heard someone say "so what!!" to being different, go on girl...let it out!!

i heard someone scream at the top of their lungs verbally raping my sense of self then gently apologize the next second and i was scared. these are the signs...

i heard someone cry out loud last night for the first time (i wonder how long she's been holding that one in?)

i heard someone mention forgiveness and i must admit i'm working on it.

i heard someone with my mind and once i was able to filter out the background noise i realised i was blessed to have good energy around me.

i heard someone start but i didn't listen long enough to hear them finish. i am tired of listening to negativity.

finally..
i heard God in a dream praying for me and now i feel..
better.

i can be.

rambling

i'm not who i used to be
i'm changing..rearranging
shifting hemispheres and consciousness
subconsciously working overtime
perennial war in my mind
i'm not who i use to be
i see different
smell different
talk differently
my vernacular has veered off
inconsistently
i'm uncomfortable
miserable
i'm not who i used to be
i am running
getting tired
walking
dragging my feet
i feel weak
and my head hurts
thinking
too much thinking
i miss the self i was
when i was myself.
recently
i've been missing who i used to be...

Love's Junkie

i love to write about love
and i love to listen to love songs
i love butterflies fluttering in my underbelly
and i love the sight of loved ones.

i love this whole notion of love
if i could fly i'd be a lovebird
i love the smell, taste, essences of love
i'm like the ladylove of love words.

i love falling in love slowly
and i love to be deliriously happy
i love my fingers entwined in warms arms
and eyes that see through me lovingly.

i love, loveeee laughing till it hurts
you'd think i got bitten by the love bug
i love getting trapped in loves sticky fingers
even if i think my heart's been mugged.

i am the original love child, make no mistake
love oozes, drips from every pore
when i love i love completely, wholeheartedly
sometimes i love until my soul is sore.

is there anything better than puppy love?
or the sweet scent of lovemaking?
when lying in the arms of your beloved
just knowing without saying.

i love so many things about love
from it's poetic words to it's melody
and even if love were to walk away
i know i will always have love's memory.

sigh* i just love......LOVE.

Tuesday's Waltz

it's Tuesday...
i lazily awaken to the sun
shining through my window
reminding me that i am blessed.

to the kitchen
to cook up some brain food
some oats and eggs put me in the right mood
for a creative day.

traffic?! we thought
we'd beaten it by leaving earlier
but today there seems to be more cars
than yesterday.

first at work today..
yay! maybe i can clock out early
haven't had the chance to walk the dogs all week
shame on me!

evening walk
with close friends to let the stress
from the day escape and welcome in the
refreshment of evening time..

dinner time's
a lil different tonight, i'm cooking
baked potatoes broiled breasts vegetables
only cause mama says

bedtime is the best time
reflection on a beautifully blessed day
and a wish and hope and prayer to God
that i live to see the light again
on Wednesday morning...

I Trip..

when will come the time
when my heart and soul align
and the inner torment silenced
'twas the end of emotional violence.

like a bad actor in this perfect patent
the fallacies of that theory were so blatant
crumbling sands into hands holding nothing
breaking down my sanity like a ragamuffin.

wouldn't life be simpler if we all just played?
is everyone else but me in on this masquerade?
slowly slipping back in that tumultuous sea
desperately grasping to fading bravery.

anxiety anxiously occupies my vine
deafening loud yet as quiet as a mime
is sign language the only way i can reach you?
has silence made our existence mute?

stretching out hands that no one holds
like an aged woman with the innocence of a 7 year old
pondering the mystery of a lover's mind unknown
i couldn't reach you with or without a microphone
so i moaned alone...

warm skin on the outside of a heart that is shivering
sulking sorrows sighs begin but have no ending
i know i can be much more than my mind's song
but my heart is dragging sensibility's line down.

i tripped over somebody else's lies...

yet i am waiting for that delirious feeling
a sense of good-byes past and new beginnings
an air that would sweep away all of my cries
with the power to lift my heart up to the skies

what a day that will be
when the memory of you dies...