what doesn't belong to me

i wish you could feel what i felt
when you did what you'd done
that day back in april
i wish you'd care enough
to cry some of my tears
but you just walked away and smiled
didn't even look back
but i guess i deserve to be walked on
giving you my all
was my mistake
and now i hate what i've become since you
since you tore my heart into too many pieces
that they've all gone off
on their own journey
and yet i'm still here
year after year, sucking in all the air
until you disappear

it's funny how i find myself

i miss you, i really do, can you handle me admitting this to you? i mean, it's just a reflection of my inner, my honesty, aren't those some of the qualities you like about me? my modesty. it wouldn't be fair if i kept this all to myself, inside, i promised i would always say how i feel even if it hurt me to say it, i'd be lying if i said it didn't hurt, oh wait, this isn't about me, i forgot. so back to my point of view, i find it strange that i'm not in more control, i mean, i always knew my role........in your life, i could never be your wife. i ask myself, how much do you miss me? see, if i only knew that part then my blues would be justified, wait, i lied! i don't ask anymore.

strange you never knew

i mean, it's not that i care, well......not really. i guess the feeling i have right now is one of failure. i feel as if i've failed in some aspect, in some way, as if i've failed myself even. all of that killing them with kindness b.s. didn't work. i feel as if i failed by not being able to get him to love me, by not presenting myself in a way that he could go like "damn!!! i can't believe she is actually in my life". i've failed myself in the sense that i allow these "anybodys" to come into my life, run wild (for free may i add) and leave without writing a review, without even leaving a note in the suggestion box *sigh*...... without me. it's like someone is playing this really big joke on me, so what you're saying is that there's no gold at the end of the rainbow? hum........what's my lesson in this whole thing nah? that no matter what the consequence never let anyone make me feel ashamed of giving my all, to always be honest and to remind myself that it's not me that failed it's the person's inability too see that i am. human.

numb

i should've felt something but i didn't i guess when i'm done i truly am done. i know i should've felt somethnig but i didn't, where did those feelings go? are they gone forever? i should've felt something but i didn't, can't quite figure how i feel about it, am i happy or sad? i usually feel something but i felt nothing, i guess moving on can do that to you. yet a part of me resents the fact that i no longer care, can't have it both ways but still. damn, i know i should've felt something but yet i can't force myself to feel. sometimes i can't help how i feel but atleast now i know what to do with it. those feeelings were never mine, just some abstract fragments in the cosmic world that caught my wind for a while then left without even a good-bye, no traces left to show that it was even there. disappear.

i miss you, but i'm glad you're gone

it isn't
don't blame yourself
we can't always have what we desire
if wants were so easily attained
i'd be lying next to you every hour on the hour
there i go again
selfish
it takes two, i can't force you
what if i begged?
ha!
miss me yet?
before you blink i'll be gone
just a cast of my shadow
funny how things change
it wasn't
and i didn't even know
left out the loop
blindly walking the path
don't you laugh, i didn't mind
well, maybe a little
maybe alot
this too will pass
the distance helps
by tomorrow i'd forgotten your name
and then i'll start all over again
i so envy you
i miss you
i love you
i hope i can resist you
when i see you again
don't ever change, remain the same
hopefully when we meet
i'll remember your name

speechless

overcome with such sadness
trapped in emotional madness