don't you want to be free?

i don't want to end up back in your bed...

i'm trying to find that voice that once set me free.  it's here, it's here somewhere, i just need to find it but i'm growing impatient, i think i'll start small...

"untitled 1"
i feel different things different days
it's making it so hard for me to concentrate
it's making it so hard for me to breathe
i just want to be free..

"untitled 2"
i am ready
ready to feel something again
ready to feel that blood rushing through my veins
ready for the sweet highs and sweet lows
of that thing they call...
(i suppose)

.........

there! i'm proud i got something out :)

ANGRY

Nowadays...
I only write when I’m angry

----

DON'T

this man says he loves me?
THIS MAN SAYS HE LOVES ME?
nuh uh, could never be
for loving me is easy...
walking on the tightrope of my insanity
you have me swimming in the endless sea of insecurity
you have made me lose my spirit song
and wish that there was no more music
you have left me empty, empty.
don’t bring your love where it doesn’t belong
don’t bring that love into my house
don’t let those words drip from your mouth
for loving me is too easy
and I love you so much
I’m willing to let you leave me...

----

FREE

She holds my secrets
close to her heart
close to her soul
and you can’t understand my questions?
(or can you?)

Those secrets I long to know
about a life parallel to mine
and red roses intertwined..

don’t you want to be free?

No feelings no pain
just thum that hum thum
could not stretch like my bubble gum
and holding and carrying the mother load
walking down long winding paths alone

Oh my oh joy oh what have you done?
turned a dark twisted fantasy from the morning sun
and the birds and the bees and the “beesnees”
stay hidden inside her thought tree

Oh why me why me why mademoiselle
we’re all damned to hell so we might as well
have wine and hot sex on Malibu
cause I am no longer waiting on you.

Don’t you want to be free (also)?

----

GOODBYE

goodbye my love, goodbye
sweet sunshine love goodbye
hear the sound of the hummingbird
sweet choral and soft lullabies
and the twinkling of my eyes
remember me as I am, remember everything
the days the nights have all run out
but I will think of you often
as through my mind you run about
oh sweet music to my ear, oh sweet rain
wet the appetite of my pain
goodbye my sugar candy cane
and me your silky cellophane
oh the wonders of the stars
and the Jupiter and the mars
could not hold what our cup held
nor could a better story the soothsayer tell
something real, something spurious
goodbye my mr. curious
I love you..

this will take some time

there is a hole in my chest where my heart used to be...

08-12-10
all i ever wanted to do was love you
that was all. no grand production
no flashing lights no postal service
spotlight. just music, just fire
just quiet times and long walks
and forever. that was all.

08-16-10
is it possible to have so many different feelings at the same time? thoughts racing through my mind, who really drank the poison? and who has the cure?

let the record show that my heart is beating wildy, beating like the desert drums, beating like a heavy downpour of thunder, beating, just beating inside my chest..

time will take me where i need to go, till then i just need to find the time to let go...

idk

i don't know where to find it
i don't even know where to look
i don't know if it likes writing or reading a book

i don't know where it's hidden
i've never heard of it before today
i don't know if it likes honey with its coffee

i don't know its feelings
i don't even know if it has any
i just know it can't be bought with a nickel or a penny

i don't know if it likes music
idk if it can dance or sing
i don't even know if it can fly or even has wings

i don't know what it likes
i don't know what it doesn't
i'm curious to know if i should or if i shouldn't

does it like movies?
or walks on the beach?
i'd be really disappointed if, it couldn't speak

i don't know what to do
i don't know if i should wait
it a quarter after midnight and i don't know why it's so late


i don't know why i'm in here
and i don't know when to leave
i just know it pulls on my heart strings like gravity

feel me?

plasticine

leave me love
just leave me alone
go off on a trip
and don't come back home
take a one way flight
off to Chinatown
buy a ticket to a Circus
and become a clown
i don't care what you do
so just cut me some slack
don't return my letters
or email me back
ignore me please if you will
and forget my name
hopefully in time and space
i'll learn to do the same
find another love, love
to gently hold your hand
to sit and talk all night
and to understand
do it! i don't mind
take love out to dinner
wine and dine love until
the saint's become a sinner
then take love to your bedroom
and make sweet slow love
vibrate the air as usual
make love see what you're made of
then, leave love hanging love
then make up with a smile :)
let love wonder and wonder
while you love another child
let love quarrel with you
trust me, i don't mind
i've neither the wherewithal
nor the sweet time
let love nag you
as you politely say
let love be the one to see your soul
and add light to your day
there you have it love
you're free to walk away
maybe we'll run into each other
in a land far far away
where we won't remember names
or the dreams we were made of
no we won't remember anything
not even the love...
love, leave me
oh please, leave me love
no don't return the email or letters
i want to e-v-o-l-v-e.