open letter

i feel different every minute
every hour a different mood
it's hard being a woman trying to love a man
undernourished so yes, i'm hungry
hungry for the attention you lather on others so graciously
it's not that i don't wanna work it out
it's not that i don't wanna give us a chance
but i've never heard of third chances???
countless excuses and psycho babble
i'm looking for a man, a strong man
who understands the meaning of commitment
understand, young yam? or young'n. young man.
i've been feeling so many things, can't get it out
where do i even begin..betrayed, afraid (to name a few)
it is worth it me hanging onto you?
(remember i forgave you back then too)
next time i decide to try love i think i'll need a document
some letter of agreement that we are in it
for the same reasons. reasons....i need you (or do i?)
i have to let these words speak for me
around you i hide my tongue
so scared to let you know (we don't belong?)
scared too, to start over with someone new
i was kinda getting used to the colour blue
history repeats itself in a different hue
but now i feel different again
i feel like you should bow before me
you are in the presence of ro-yal-ty, something extraordinary
a soul with so much to give, she's over-flowing with it
whatever it is she has it, twice over
yet again feelings change as quickly as the pendulum swings
addicted to what relationships bring but
i've been feeling so many things, strange.
the thing is....i know i'm worth it
i remember how good it felt, feels
seems so long ago though, i hope it was, is real (freal)
so tired, perspiring from the cold
should i stay or should i go?
i am emptying.